My Leather Family
Although I am proud of my biological family, this part of the website is not about them.There have been many men and women who have become close to me over the years, and many of them even call me "Dad". (You will also note that I have included my current beasts since they are definitely a major part of my life these days.)
A leather family is a group of people who support and care for one another as a family would and who share common values and interests. A leather family usually has power dynamics and some sort of power hierarchy like an actual family does (parents-kids, older siblings-younger siblings, etc.) but in the end they all support one another in a way that goes beyond friendship. A leather family does not necessarily live together or even in the same region.
A leather household is very similar but is centered on a physical home where the household members live or visit on a regular basis. When it comes down to it, it is still a group of people who care about each other to the point of considering one another family, and in my experience they are often closer than biological family members. My leather household is called Casa Knottinghim and the back yard is the Surewould Forest even though there are not many trees in my forest.
My Household
- Sugar Bear, my boy and husband
- Max (my cat)
- Oreo (SugarBear's black cat)
My "Extended Family"
These people came into our lives in various ways and earned a special place in our hearts.
- Dave (DMLonelyDave) The newest member of the family, he lives here in San Antonio
- Bobby (Moved away from home and has a family of his own now)
- Mark (My "son-in-law" and partner to Bobby)
- Mike (Could not move with us to San Antonio; lives in California now)
- Louis (Could not move with us to San Antonio; has a family of his own)
My "Imperial Family"
- Alamo Empire (The Shackle Family)
- Emperor XII Kenny "BIG" Johnson
- Empress XII Keana Lord
- Emperor XIII Jay Henry Smith
- Emperor XIV Michael R
- Emperor XV Daniel Morgan
- Ventura Empire
- In 2000 we were proclaimed King Father and Queen Mother to all Reigns of the Imperial Court of Ventura County, a Court that we founded in 1990. (That Court only lasted 12 years but did a lot of good for the community while it was there.)
I have decided to open my leather family to others who share our philosophy and principles as stated on the Family Logo tab and who actively participate in community education. Additional information is located on the Join Us page.
If you are interested in becoming a part of my Household, please refer to the Application page in the Leather Lifestyle section of this website.
The Logo Says It All
Live, Laugh, Love; Trust, Respect, Care
Logo Design
The design of our logo consists of three layered circles. The top half of the smaller, central circle is striped in the colors of the Gay Pride flag. The lower half of the same circle is striped in the colors of the Leather Pride flag and has the heart from that flag centered on it. Taken together these state that we are proud members of the gay and leather community.
The larger background circle is silver in color and bears the six words that summaraize our "Code." These are explained below.
The two horizontal segments of the larger top circle are silver in color. These were intended to indicate that there is more to our family than is apparent and on public display. We are private individuals as well and cherish our privacy. However, as a friend of mine, Sir Greg Indy*, observed, these segments also resemble the light from a lighthouse lighting the way to warn travelers of hidden dangers along their path or their journey. This has special relevance because of my commitment to teaching and mentoring. (These two segments used to carry our family nickname, the "BearPair." I removed that from the logo when Master Dutch died [in 2010] and I changed the basic shape from octagonal -- the many facets of our lives -- to circular -- the continuity of community.)
Our Code
Our values are summed up in six simple words that can be found on our family logo and are repeated throughout this website. Three of the words describe our philosophy of life, and three describe our ethical principles. These words are, respectively: Live, Laugh, Love, and Trust, Respect, Care. This page elaborates on the meaning of those words.
Our Philosophy
LIVE
We live well and celebrate life. Living well means living life to the fullest within our means and circumstances. It means taking the time to celebrate each other's involvement in our lives, relishing the richness and diversity of our community and friends, and contributing back to the community. Living well also engages us in the pursuit of excellence, continually striving for personal improvement and the betterment of others in the family and the community. Living well does not mean living lavishly or conspicuously. (I will admit we rarely do without something we need or want but our tastes tend to be conservative, middle American.)
To live well we also live in the moment to the best of our ability. We are not promised tomorrow and those we love can be taken away from us at any time. So we cherish the now. We wake up each morning ready to participate in life, ready to make the most of the opportunities presented to us, ready to live.
LAUGH
Humor is a great healer of the spirit and the body. We strive to laugh at ourselves and at life (with but not at each other). We enjoy good, well-intended humor. Although life here is not a laugh a minute, there is always a place for well-intentioned humor. Life is too short to be taken seriously. [Personal note: Master Shack's sense of humor is wickedly dry.]
LOVE
We use the term "Love" to refer to caring for ourselves and for each other very deeply. This emotional state is neither being romantically in love nor being "in lust" — although there is a proper place for both. We strive to express our love for each other through small, usually unexpected, acts of kindness and caring. This can be as simple as giving a smile, a kind word, or a helping hand.
Our Principles
TRUST
Trust actually means Trustworthiness in this application. We recognize that it is impossible to make someone trust us. It is also unwise to blindly trust someone who we don't know. The critical element here is that, in order to earn anyone's trust, we must prove ourselves worthy of that trust. Our word is our honor. If a promise is made, we must keep that promise. If circumstances change and it becomes impossible to keep the promise, it is essential to explain the circumstances and obtain release from the promise. Trustworthiness also requires truthfulness. Truthfulness is telling the facts to the best of our knowledge. Being wrong is not the same as lying, but it can damage trustworthiness if it happens so often that our judgement is questioned. In our home, trust also requires candor. Each member of the household, regardless of station or duties, has an obligation to volunteer information honestly and truthfully, that another person needs. We expect honesty, not only in communications, but also in conduct. This means living and playing by the rules with no cheating, no subterfuge, no deception or trickery.
One essential characteristic of someone who is trustworthy is also an unstated pillar of our family:
RESPONSIBILITY
All members of our family are expected to act responsibly and to be fully accountable for their actions. Life is full of choices and our choices don't always work out to everyone's betterment. We accept responsibility for the consequences of our behavior and do not try to hide from such consequences.
RESPECT
Every person is entitled to be treated with dignity regardless of their station in life or their character; they are due at least the respect we owe to any living creature. This is not always easy because we sometimes must interact with unpleasant or unethical people. Even in those situations we uphold our standards of civility, courtesy, dignity, tolerance and acceptance.
We believe that in order to give an individual the respect they are due, you must also treat them with
FAIRNESS
Fairness can be a surprisingly complex issue although most of us would say we 'know it when we see it'. In our household it means being consistent and impartial when making decisions, evaluating conduct or performance, determining punishments, or settling disputes.
CARE
We must genuinely care about our fellow travelers in life and about the community we live in, about the members of our real and extended families, and about ourselves. If we do not love ourselves or care for ourselves, how can we possibly love or care for anyone else? We believe that if one really cares about his family, whether biological or extended, he must be concerned about the happiness and welfare of each member of that family, including himself. A person who really cares feels an emotional response to both the pain and pleasure of others. The highest form of caring is the honest expression of benevolence, or altruism. This is not to be confused with strategic charity. Gifts to charities to advance personal interests aren’t gifts at all. They’re investments or tax write-offs.
We believe that if an individual truly cares about his community he will be a good citizen of that community. Thus,
CITIZENSHIP
also is an important characteristic of our family. To be a good citizen means more than just obeying the laws and voting. It also means giving back to the community by contributing time, talent or resources to improve the community. Such a commitment to the public sphere can have many expressions, such as conserving resources, recycling, using public transportation, cleaning up litter, or providing other support for community efforts. The good citizen gives more than he takes.
So what does it all mean? You could probably summarize it by saying
We are a leather family of choice.
Our roots are in the gay community.
We enjoy life.
We have fun.
We behave ethically.
We contribute to the community.
* Sir Greg Indy's slave Aaron died suddenly on Easter 2015. Sir Greg followed him by choice on Memorial Day 2015. May they both rest in peace; they will be missed.
